I feel like I am in many ways contradictory to myself, if I have spoken with you recently with some of my plans this probably shows. On one hand, I have a deep desire to travel the world, this travel will be missions based, because it is my pleasure to serve God. (especially if this serving means I get to travel the world. I would like to spend more time abroad than at home) But, also I would like to get married and raise a family, this could make a traveling lifestyle hard, and a traveling lifestyle could make this hard.
Lately my thought processes have swerved from one extreme to the other on these two subjects, also to complicate matters, while I was in Brazil (06/30/10 - 7/14/10 ) I started to learn on how to walk in the supernatural power of God. I was seeing miracles, healings, and the like on a daily basis, also things like prayer and prophesy became a major part of my life. There are a few places to learn to better understand how operate in these areas, places that help you avoid pitfalls,and accelerate the learning process. I have been considering going to one of these schools, Global School of Supernatural Ministry, located in Mechenicsburg, Pennsylvania. However, I am aware that I am part of what God is doing here in Texas as well.
My problem comes from having a mindset limited by time and space, God is not limited by either of these. I can by the grace of God both learn to operate in the supernatural, hopefully at one of these schools as to avoid pitfalls, and be directly tied to what God is doing in this region.
In knowing I am tied to this region, and not knowing where to start in spreading the fire of God in this region ( we have a dry field, we just need a few people willing to be torches to see this place transformed) I tend to seek to rely on my team from Brazil, we have all seen the hand of God working through us and in us. I think God has formed the team for a reason beyond Brazil, yet sometimes it feels like I am trying to use the team as a system to make things easier for me, instead of benefiting all of us and this region.
Back to my original extremes at war though, family and continually seeking to go to the ends of the earth. I will say this, my desire for travel tends to hold more influence over my mindset concerning marriage and raising a family than the other way around. I realize this because I evaluate women with marriage in mind ( I have no use for short term relationships) items I consider are, is she devoted to Christ?(there are "Christians" that are not, however there aren't those that are devoted that aren't christian) What is her position on raising a family? ( my thinking says children are a gift from God and a full quiver is good) How willing to travel is she? ( if she is tied to one place, and seeks to settle, we may have a huge conflict of interests, enough to not marry) what college team does she like? ( if she is a longhorns fan, it makes a bad first impression, and she would have to convince me to overlook this sin). After evaluating these important matters, I will start noticing things like personality and looks, since these aren't nearly as important in serving God in the ministry of marriage. My only problem with this evaluation mindset is it seems like I am looking for human resources rather than a wife that is a person, but then we are who we choose to be.
please people, give me more to think on, I am really starting to enjoy posting despite the fact it feels like I am rambling and self contradicting. thank you for your time.
end note, there have been a couple times when my friend Jake was showing me pictures on facebook of some girl he is considering hitting on and asking me if I thought she was cute, and she was wearing a longhorns shirt and my mind automatically told me " no, she is a longhorn, she isn't cute" but after seeing pictures that were in non longhorns clothes, I was a little more convinced that she may be cute, however I don't have anymore basis on her character to back this up, so I am still not sure